(Edited to include gratuitous taunting of Josh Boyer, and to appease some of my more sensitive readers. Bless their hearts.)
(Edited again to taunt Kyle McMartin.)
This post has nothing to do with Fedora — except that I know several members of the Fedora community who are hockey fans, and who are excited now that their teams are in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. (Sorry, Toronto fans. I hope it’s now clear to you that Paul Maurice was *not* your biggest problem.)
I am dropping the gauntlet. Hockey Challenge! And I, Hurricanes fan, call out, in particular:
Adam Williamson, Canucks fan! The Sedins… (sensitive phrase redacted), but the Stanley Cup is NOT FOR YOU!
Tom Callaway, Bruins fan! Cam Neely ain’t walking through that door! Bobby Orr ain’t walking through that door! The Stanley Cup is NOT FOR YOU!
Larry Cafiero, Sharks fan! When you win the President’s Cup, it means that your division was full of (sensitive phrase redacted)! If my neighborhood kids played roller hockey against the Coyotes ten times a year, they’d win the President’s Cup too! The Stanley Cup is NOT FOR YOU!
Jon Stanley, Rangers fan! Sean Avery? Really? I’m afraid your only chance of seeing Stanley’s Cup is by (sensitive phrase redacted), sir! The REAL Stanley Cup is NOT FOR YOU!
Josh Boyer, Red Wings fan! Bring it on, you *unbelievable* front runner! An Avs fan who changes loyalty to the WINGS? Rooting for the Red Wings is like rooting for GM… it used to be a pretty sure bet, but not anymore! The Stanley Cup is NOT FOR YOU!
Kyle McMartin, Habs fan! It’s a sad time when the team of Guy Lafleur and Rocket Richard is beholden to the Russian mob. Maybe you could ask to be transferred to the KHL next season. Those 26 cups are ancient history now. The Stanley Cup is NOT FOR YOU!
So here’s the bet I propose.
Of the above-listed teams, the supporter whose team wins the most games in this postseason shall receive, from all other participants, a fine locally produced alcoholic beverage, of the loser’s choice.
Furthermore, if any of the above teams shall find themselves hoisting Lord Stanley’s Cup, all participants in the wager shall find a ballcap, and shall change their hackergotchis to reflect the wearing of aforementioned ballcap, for a period of no less than one month.
Who will accept my wager? Who stands ready to pay tribute to the Category 5 Hurricanes?
Oh, also, I’m growing my playoff beard, starting now.